Do you ever ( i am sure you have, everyone has) asked yourself the question "why me?" Today it's not me I ask it for its for Rickey.
It's another one of those days. Today after I talked with him I just sat and wondered why the Lord chose Rickey to walk this path. I know that we will not have answers to questions like this until we see Jesus face to face, but sometimes I just wonder why. Yes I know it's to help others with problems of the same sort or to have others help us and the best part to point others to Christ. Just on a day to day level its sometimes so hard to see someone you love walk in this valley alone. I can be there for him and I can give him all the support I can but still can't help him. I am thankful that this is not cancer or a deadly illness but in my little world it's equivalent to me.
On another point my friend Paulette was talking to me about some one who told her that if bipolar is misdiagnosed and they put them on meds for bipolar it can cause suicidal thoughts. So of course my brain starts racing to the thought that he was misdiagnosed but then I have to trust the doctor he is under to take good care of my man. Yes as scary as the thought is, with Rickey's chemical imbalance those thoughts come to his mind. Thankfully he is good at talking things out and seeking help. Thank you Jesus!
For those that know me and Rickey you know that I know no greater, good looking, sweet talking man than my baby! We have a very close bond that I thank the Lord for daily and I think He allows us to help us get through. With all our trials that is one thing that has never wavered was our love for one another. Yes we may tease each other from time to time about having a boyfriend/girlfriend but that is one area we have never struggled. I write this b/c this is a blessing that gets me through when hard times hit. As I write this I realize this is a silver lining in a cloudy day.
This blogging thing really is a great way to get feelings out. Feel free to comment my facebook friends, I love the feed back. Even on R's illness.
Generally, the suicidal thoughts are more common from those with bipolar who are put on a stimulant without a mood stabilizer. For those on a mood stabilizer the threat of suicide is lessened. With bipolar the key word is "extreme." Everything they experience to them is extreme. That means that the only time they are really good "reporters" is when they are depressed and don't see a way to make it better.
ReplyDeleteI tried calling you, but the number that I have isn't working. Let me know if you ever want to talk. I've been there and know exactly what you are going through. Perhaps that's why we are going through this anyway... To be able to help others make it through with their marriages and lives intact as well, through the grace of God and a strong relationship with his Son.
Malinda :)