He's baaaaaaack

Well kinda back. I wanted to title it this way because it's funny! Any way. My Rickey is on his way back. After the 7 days we've had I am so ready. He woke up early this morning with a very bad headache, caused from no caffeine. I rolled out of bed a few hours later. He caved and had to drink something with caffeine which I didn't gripe about, I like to pick my battles and I'd much rather have an ungrouchy husband.

We did a lot of rearranging of the "man cave" today. He did some rewiring for his speakers which required him to climb into the attic (I'm not even thinking it was worth the effort) and he worked through that. Then we had to move the couches around, he cleaned and put up some posters! I'm tired from just telling you all about it. The good news is, R wouldn't have done that earlier in the week, and he kept his mind (and me) super busy!

So here's the not so good part. We had a fun church function today and normally (or in the past) R would jump at going. This time he had to work him self up into going , and when we went he was pretty much a wall flower. I am so glad he went with me but so sad to see the man I love so out of sorts. He is someone who loves to talk and be in the middle of everything, but even over the last year that has changed. When we got into the car he was fine again. We talked and he opened up a bit more to me. I am not sure if the men in your life do this but R tends to hold information until he wants to share it. He was telling me that his dr told him that this is a long process, they have pretty much reset his brain with the meds he is on and this will seem like he is a new born, learning how to readjust to life knowing you are bipolar and how to deal. "Baby steps", he tells me. Then he tells me that he sometimes has a hard time leaving the house, but he does for me. Ouch! I am very proud that he'd do that but at the same time he's scared. He described how his social anxiety is like for him, he said to picture your self naked in front of our church family and you can't move. How would you feel? Me? Um, naked? A little scary!!

I have a hard time when he doesn't go places with me. He is my security blanket. But with all this "stuff" he likes to stay home more. I am trying to be kind and understand but sometimes it's so hard. He has always been by my side and when he's not a little piece feels like it's missing. I know I am lucky to have a christian husband, who does go to church with me and is a great daddy, but those times he bows out kills me! I have got to stand back and look at the bigger picture. He is getting better, we can tell  when times are hard, he will be better one of these days. Mr B tells me there will always be hard days, that has helped me love the good ones and stay calm through the bad b/c I know good days are ahead.