Not fair

I know I have a lot to be thankful for today. I got to spend time with my wonderful family, there is never a bad time with them. I learned a new card game from Emma and my mother in law. Heck I had the option to eat twice today, I chose only to eat one turkey meal, but I still had the option. I know there are people out there that don't even have one of those choices.

That all being said now I can gripe. Its not fair that R didn't go to my family thanksgiving! I am mad, I don't know where to place my anger. I want to blame him, for not trying, I want to blame his family because they got him and we didn't, I want to blame this stupid disease! But I really can't lay blame any where. It's just not fair. He has had a few good days, where he is funny and fun to be with. Today not so much. He was kinda hit and miss.

He and AJ tried to hunt this moring, with no avail. He is dying to kill a deer. I wish he would get one. Kinda be fun! I haven't blogged in a while and when I do I tend to gripe, but darn it this is my public diary and I can gripe! It feels better to get it out. He had a ok morning, he asked me to pray for him b/c he was having some anxiety, and I did. I did get my hopes up that maybe he'd come with me to my sister. I set my self up for that one, to be upset with my self. I know right now that we have to take one day at a time, and I also know that this is the only thanksgivng he has ever missed with me. We'll get through this. I just had to stomp my foot and throw my fit. I feel ok now. I can't hold on to my bitterness. Just another struggle in the disease we call bipolar!